Released

hen Dave was called into the Bishopric a few weeks ago, both our new Stake President and our new Bishop suggested that I get released from Primary. The burden of both of those callings in one family is a lot. I had mixed emotions about it, knowing that we couldn't both go to the before-church meetings (ward council) twice a month without family around to help take care of the kids; but other than that, I felt confident that I could handle it and did not want to be released.

Our first week at church with Dave on the stand and me alone with the kids was interesting. The kids were pretty good during Sacrament meeting, but then the next two hours are a blur. Zoe wouldn't go to nursery and when I forced the issue, she screamed and screamed and screamed. So I passed off my responsibilities on my counselors and secretary and spent some time in nursery. One of my primary teachers had called in sick that day so I asked one of my counselors to take her class after a few phone calls. She said she would look at the lesson at church but I had already read the lesson and knew it would take some preparation from home. I prepared the lesson and brought it to her. The third hour of church began with me handing off the lesson materials to my counselor and discovering that my two Pyrex 9x13 pans (which she needed for her lesson) were stuck together. I couldn't think of how to get them apart but it was time for me to conduct Senior Primary so I hurried into the room, tugging at the two pans. Some of the kids came up to help and as I held the top pan, they pulled on the bottom. Moments later, the bottom pan shattered into a million pieces. I had a million tiny shards of glass in my hands, as did lots of other kids. A big shard was sticking out of my foot. And then I looked over and realized one of the older girls had a very big cut on her hand and was bleeding profusely. Her parents don't come to church so my secretary took charge and got her grandma to come help. The cut was wide and deep and I was sure she would need stitches. While the other kids and adults in primary cleaned up the glass, and a cute boy ran to get the vacuum to vacuum up the rest, I tried to get the glass out of my hands and foot. During this time it was also discovered that Zoe wasn't in nursery and wasn't found for almost 10 minutes (she was with our Primary chorister, totally safe, she was just so sad in nursery that she went with her to help in Young Women's for a minute).


ll of this was a very clear indicator: I couldn't do it. 



I could not be Primary President while my husband wasn't able to help with our kids. I came home from church that day and cried for a solid hour. Out of embarrassment, out of frustration for my stupidity, out of sadness. I have been in Primary since before Isaac was born. I loved being Primary President. About 6 months ago my friend Yolanda asked how I do it and if it is really hard for me. The honest answer is "No, it is not hard." The blessings our family has received from me serving in this calling are innumerable. I have held every calling in primary from nursery leader to teacher to chorister to secretary to second counselor to first counselor to president. The only thing missing is pianist, and that's not coming my way anytime soon. My experience in primary made being president kind of fun--because I got to pass off the less fun tasks. Heh heh. Also...I just really like it. I don't know how to describe it. I think there are things I could have done better, but also I'm really proud of how laid back I have been. Primary can be incredibly stressful--trying to get 10 classes covered every week is the bane of Primary's existence. It's very hard to find people willing to serve in Primary that will be there every week to help teach the children. There were several weeks when only 3 teachers showed up. Almost every week there is at least one last-minute sickness. Trying to find people to help in nursery (for kids aged 18 months to 3 years old) is an impossibility at the last minute. I have taught classes last minute myself when nothing else could be done. And I have loved it.

I knew this release was coming. My husband wouldn't (couldn't) tell me who was taking my place but I felt confident that my friend and secretary Mikelle would be taking my place, and I was right. I knew she would do a great job--much better than me--but for some reason, it has been hard knowing I was going to have to pass this off.

I am so grateful for the past year and a half as Primary President. I have learned a lot. I enjoyed going to meetings and seeing first-hand the effort that so many people put in to make a ward run smoothly. I loved those kids. I LOVE those kids that I served. I prayed for them every day and they occupied a good deal of my thoughts over the past year. I love the teachers that faithfully came with prepared lessons each week. I love our chorister and pianist. I love that it takes so many people to make primary run and I got to be a part of it for a little while. There are a few things that I regret, that I wish I had handled differently. But I wouldn't change those experiences because of what I learned from them. I have been snubbed, yelled at, and talked about. I have been embraced and encouraged and complimented and loved. During our Primary Program a few weeks ago, a friend of ours leaned over to Dave and told him I was the "Michael Jordan of Primary Presidents." The thought makes me laugh out loud, but the sentiment, meaning I try hard and do my best, is something I would like to think is true. So many people helped me along the way. Neither of my counselors were there today when we were released, but I want them to know that their support of me and their willingness to do anything I asked was the greatest blessing of the past 18 months. They are terrific women.

As Primary President I learned that life carries on, and that doing our duty is important. Two days before Easter, on Good Friday, I had a miscarriage.  The next day was a big ward Easter party that the Primary was in charge of. This was an assignment that I couldn't pass off, and so with a broken heart, I did my duty. Knowing that the Lord could rely on me even when my heart was heavy is a knowledge I will carry with me for the rest of my life. I know that I can do hard things, and this calling helped teach me that.

The new Primary Presidency is fantastic and those kids are so lucky to have them. And since they lost about half of their teachers to new callings today, I'm happy to pass off the mantle of Primary President to Mikelle.

My friend Natalie wrote a post a few years ago when she was released as the Relief Society President. She posted this picture and said,

James Christensen entitled (the painting) The Responsible Woman; I know just how she feels - more than merely juggling all that she carries, she is flying with her varied load; the baby, candles, keys, needles and thread, the dog, a clock, the broom, the mandolin, flowers, feathers, silverware, a kettle and a candle - each symbolizes a realm of her responsibilities. Her head is high and her face reflects an air of tranquil and confident determination; she is beautiful. 

While I did not handle all of my responsibilities with this grace, I learned better how to manage my time, how to juggle lots of assignments, and how to do my best. Despite a few missteps, I feel like I learned more than I taught, and that is time well spent.