Grandma Dodd

Grandma did not like her picture taken. That's her on the end in the white pants and black shirt, next to my mom, in 1991

This past Friday, December 6th marked the 17th anniversary of the death of my Grandma Dodd. It's odd--she's been gone longer than I knew her alive. She died when I was 16. But she is such a part of my memories of my life growing up that it's hard to believe she's been gone that long. As an adult I know that relationships are complicated and Grandma's relationship with her own kids was for sure not simple. But her relationship with me was: we loved each other. She spoiled me--I know it's true. I spent so many Friday nights at her house, sitting out on the porch of her retirement community with her friends. I spent so much time there that one of her friends left me her parrot in her will when she died (I'll have to tell you the sad story of Chip another time). Grandma went with us on trips, and my seat was always next to her on the front row of our van. I slept in the bed with her at our cabin...not always my favorite, she was a real snorer. We spent lots of lunches at Luby's, a cafeteria-style diner on Lomas and Juan Tabo in Albuquerque. Grandma had very strong opinions about everything, and sometimes I want to laugh when I think of how rude she was to some people (but super nice to others). We used to tease her about her "boyfriend" Al...an army veteran with no legs that lived in her complex. I remember a particularly nasty fight when my sister named her first baby (the first grandchild in my family) Summer. She thought that was a ridiculous name. (Sorry Summer! We all love you!) My mom ended that fight with, "Excuse me? You named me CARMA!" Hi-larious. She loved my brother-in-law CJ but did not love my brother-in-law Dave. She loved Dominoes and dominated at it. She often won Bingo at the clubhouse where she lived. She always had her fingernails painted and had an enormous collection of nail polish. When I spent the night she'd let me choose any color I wanted and she'd paint my nails. Sometimes I'd lay on her lap and she'd use pieces of my hair to tickle my face and neck and arms. Saturday morning we would watch "my program"...I cannot figure out how it became mine, but it was. It was that painting show on PBS with the white guy that had an afro, he always painted mountain scenes. What was his name? She would stop whatever she was doing and tell me my program was on and I would have to watch it (oh how I grew to hate those mountain scenes). I don't know why I didn't just tell her I hated it, but I didn't. She'd make scrambled eggs and hot chocolate, the kind with the tiny fake marshmallows. On my birthday she would take me out to lunch wherever I wanted. I almost always chose Long John Silver's.  She made the best split pea soup. I read my first word at her house. It was a commercial for the laundry soap "All" and I asked her what A-L-L spelled, and she told me to sound it out so I did. When I was born, my mom used to take me to Grandma's house instead of taking me to church. My mom already had 5 kids and my dad was the Stake President so I spent the first few years of Sundays at Grandma's house. I don't remember this, but I'm pretty sure that's why she liked me so much. Heh. If she caught you falling asleep she'd tell you she was going to throw you in the bath with all your clothes on. The thought of that terrified me. I remember riding the shuttle from Disneyland one afternoon back to our hotel and I was sleepy (I was 3) and Grandma said if I fell asleep she would leave me on the bus. I fought so hard to stay awake! I still feel a little guilty when I nap because of it. So funny. Grandma had 11 kids, can you even imagine? And her kids, my aunts and uncles on my mom's side, are some of the funniest people I know. I love getting together with my mom's sisters because they are just the best. I know Grandma was a waitress but I don't know when or for how long. I wish I had known her as an adult. I'd like to talk with her about her life...I know so little of it. I know it was hard. She witnessed her son killed right in front of her the day after Christmas two years before she died. But the only Grandma I knew was the Grandma that was kind to me and gave me hard candies and showed me off to her friends like I was something really special. My mom was so kind to my Grandma. When Grandma stopped driving my mom drove her to the grocery store and to run errands all the time. She took her to her cancer treatments and doctor appointments. She was amazing.

I had the unique opportunity of being with Grandma the last week of her life. She had moved into our house in the middle of October because she was really sick. My older siblings had all gone to college or gotten married so I was the last one at home. My mom took care of her, helping her bathe and dress, giving her medicine and taking food to her room. I would take her evening medicine down to her room at night but my mom did everything else. That last week of her life she wasn't doing well. My brother was going through the temple in Utah to receive his Endowment prior to serving a mission, so my parents traveled there to be with him. My dad gave her a blessing before he left and told her it was time to move on to the next life, and I was really angry. But then I had a seminary lesson the next morning with Sister Hicken, and she talked about the Atonement and the great love that God and Jesus Christ have for us. And the thought came that I wish I could go and live with all the people who love me so much on the other side, and I envied Grandma a little that she was able to go. I was still in school so I stayed in Albuquerque along with my great-Aunt Aurora, my Grandma's younger sister. My dad told me before they left that she might not make it through the weekend but I never thought she'd die without them there. Along with the hospice nurse, we cared for her that last day. The last day of her life I spent running to pharmacies, getting morphine and other needed supplies. She wasn't awake but I spent time in the evening holding her hand and talking about all of my favorite memories with her. I kissed her cheek and held her hand. I was downstairs when Aurora came down about 10:30 pm to tell me that Grandma had passed away. I called my parents--a hard call to make to tell your parent that their parent has passed away, and something I would do again years later for my dad--and some family friends came over to be there when the mortuary came.

I count those memories as truly unique. I think not many kids get to have a relationship like that with a grandparent, and to be there with them at the end. It was a real blessing in my life.