graham crackers and childbirth

i was induced 9 days early with isaac because of my bleeding disorder. this way i was guaranteed an epidural (something my sister sara wasn't able to get with her first because the anesthesiologist wasn't comfortable with it). not me. i met with a hematologist early on in my pregnancy, and had him write a note to the anesthesiologist that said as long as i was induced and had ddavp in my system for an hour beforehand and platelets on hand, an epidural would be fine. i was prepared. the morning of may 18th i called the hospital and they said i needed to wait to come in because they'd had a lot of babies in the night. i went back to bed. they called a little while later and said to come right in. since the hospital was almost an hour away, we rushed out the door and i didn't eat anything. i was too nervous anyway.

the nurse started an iv and administered my ddavd and pitosin around 9:00 am. around 11:00 a nurse came in and looked at the chart of contractions. she said my contractions were pretty strong, and asked if i was ready for an epidural. to be honest i hadn't really felt anything yet, but if she said they were strong and it was time for an epidural, i wasn't going to turn it down. around 2:00 pm the seven thousand nurses and residents who never seemed to leave me alone were at a consensus that my labor was progressing well and the baby would be born soon, by 5:00 or 6:00 at the latest. they called my doctor.

i wasn't feeling hungry really, but was sort of thirsty. dave brought me ice chips. mmmmm, hospital ice chips are the best. i was sort of tipping the cup up trying to get some ice out when a nurse came in and got mad at dave for not getting me a spoon. i didn't know spoons were an option, but thought a spoon might be a good idea. rather than fight with the nurse (she was sort of rude to him), he got me a spoon. thanks dude.

i watched some of twister. that's right, twister. don't ask me why. a woman in labor is never rational, epidural or not.

dr. steele showed up at 5:00 ready to deliver. i was dilated to an eight. they turned up the pitocin. an hour or so later i couldn't figure out why every few minutes something was hurting really bad. dave said, "maybe you're feeling your contractions." oh, yeah. duh. i'm in labor. so i pushed the button on my iv and got some more epidural medicine in me. sweet relief. i was a 9 by 7:00. dr. steele was getting impatient. i told dave if the intern who kept coming in came one more time i was going to rip his arms off and throw him out the window. he didn't come back.

we played phase 10.

by 8:30 i was a wreck. a total mess. i couldn't stop crying. i hadn't felt my body since 11:00 that morning. they told me my baby should have been here hours ago, and i was still a nine. at 9:30 i was resigned to it. the baby was never going to come. the nurses wanted me to turn my body because the baby's face was facing up (i guess it's supposed to be down?) and that was keeping me from dilating all the way, so they thought by rolling around a little his face would turn. problem was, i was a beached whale with an epidural and i couldn't move my body. it took 17 nurses and an intern (not the one whose face i wanted to rip off, luckily) to turn me over to my left side. then the baby's heart rate started to drop, so they brought in the crane and rolled me over to the right. at 10:30 dr. steele suggested a c-section. i started to cry again.

at 10:45 pm dr. steele was done. he said i should start pushing and he would try to turn the kid's head but if he couldn't, c-section it was. 30 minutes later isaac was born (sans c-section).

i was starving. i hadn't felt a thing, but i gotta tell you, pushing out a baby is hard work, whether you can feel it or not (even harder when you can feel it, but that's a story for another day). i hadn't eaten since winger's the night before. an angel nurse came in and handed me a package of graham crackers.

nothing has ever tasted so delicious to me as that graham cracker did that day. nothing. i've had graham crackers since, but it's just not the same. i tell you, this was like ambrosia. the nectar of the gods. whatever it was, nothing had ever been so delicious.

then it dropped on the ground.

i had only eaten one small piece, and there was this heavenly nursely offering just lying on the floor. i asked dave to pick it up for me.

dave, having seen what had just transpired not 10 minutes ago, decided eating something off of that floor was probably not the best idea. i wanted to wring his neck, scratch his eyes out, and kick him all at the same time. i almost yelled "give. me. that. graham cracker." luckily, the angel nurse was nearby and said she'd get me some more.

and they were good.