it was my sophomore year of college, halloween day 1999, and all of my friends had costumes and were dressing up for the parties that night. since i generally hate halloween, i didn't have a costume but tagged along with some friends to hot topic in the mall to purchase a portion of one girl's costume. while there i saw them: black, skin-tight, vinyl pants. you read that right. i knew i had to have them. i bought them immediately. paired with a black tank top and vasoline slicked-back hair, i was an instant trinity
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| (from the movie "the matrix" which had just come out the previous summer and was a huge hit). |
the first party included me getting trampled in a mosh pit (with shoe prints on the pants to prove it) and also lots and lots of conversations.
with boys.
cute boys.
we headed to our next party at the belmont, the posh living situation for byu students. more conversations with lots more cute boys. if you know me at all (or knew me in college), that was very unusual. i am on the shy side in that kind of situation and generally hang back out of the spotlight (unless i was at a dance getting kicked in the crotch, of course). but something about those pants put me in the spotlight and i lapped it up. as we were leaving that party, we got stopped by a car full of boys that we did not know. they told me and my friends to get in. we did. i sat on one of the boy's laps because there wasn't enough room in the car for everybody. we talked for a few minutes and then they invited us over to their house to watch a movie. we went home to change, went to their house, and the magic was gone. we were there for a very short few minutes but it was obvious, without the costumes, we were no longer invited and soon left. (side note: while this seems like an extremely dangerous situation, and it probably could have been, that's just life in provo. you meet strangers, you watch movies together. it would be a much different situation at a different school, so please don't try this where you live.)
i tell you this not to invite your criticism and judgment (while well-deserved), but to prove a point:
the clothes we wear affect our actions.
i would never in my life get in a strange man's car (unless i was in france) and sit on a strange dude's lap, but wearing that inappropriate costume made me somehow a little more brave...and a lot more stupid.
my church has a pamphlet that is distributed to young people and has a section on dress and appearance:
that is exactly what i did that halloween night, and to this day i am mortified when i even think about it. i can't even believe i'm putting it on my blog for everybody to see...i am inviting your criticism and judgment and that is so scary to me. but i feel like my point is valid. i find that when i wear sweats--which is most days--i act like a slouch. i don't clean my house, i don't get things done, i'm lazy.when i dress up for the day, i get more done. i get out of the house and run errands, i'm not embarrassed if friends stop by, i don't sit in front of the computer for hours because i don't want to waste that cute outfit.Your body is sacred. Respect it and do not defile it in any way. Through your dress and appearance, you can show that you know how precious your body is. You can show that you are a disciple of Jesus Christ and that you love Him. Your dress and grooming influence the way you and others act. ... Never lower your standards of dress. Do not use a special occasion as an excuse to be immodest. When you dress immodestly, you send a message that is contrary to your identity as a son or daughter of God. You also send the message that you are using your body to get attention and approval.
so while it may seem shallow that i care about my clothes, or that i post about clothing a lot on my blog, i don't see it as a character flaw. i see it as me trying to help myself be a little better.
p.s. yes, there are pictures of this costume.
p.p.s. no, i will not be sharing them here. the story is embarrassing enough without the picture proof.
p.p.s. you are welcome to laugh.
p.p.p.s. if i know you well enough and you want pictures, feel free to email me.
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13 comments:
I love this story because it is a side of you I wouldn't have guessed. Do I know you well enough to ask to see pics? It is interesting that these clothes made you a more confident, less inhibited person, and I could see where that would make you nervous. We have school uniforms and I love it because I think it takes away a lot of the issues that clothes bring. A learning environment is not where you need to be able to express yourself, in my opinion. (Plus it makes school shopping so easy.) I am grateful for the For Strength of Youth Pamphlet. I wish it would have come out before I started dating instead of the year after. :-)
excellent point. there are people who think my fascination with clothes is all together too based in the world. but i'm with you -- i feel better when i dress the part of someone who cares how they look and how they feel. i started doing it years ago (a huge influx of skirts were bought because skirts are a staple in humid texas summers and they boost you even more on the feel-good scale) and it's amazing how much better my days go. it also pertains to hair -- the days i actually take time to do my hair i feel so much more put together and in control of my life. one of the main reasons i chopped my hair so sort -- i don't have an hour a day to dedicate to blowing and straightening my hair and in virginia where the air is humid it's a must. therefore i cut it all off -- getting ready, including outfit selection, makeup and hair, takes me twenty minutes total. that little investment of my time each morning has me on top of each day. and people notice, which always feels good.
I think you are SO right on about the connection between clothes and how we act. I also find that when I put on make-up or jewelry that I tend to get more done because I really don't want to waste a cute Jenn day. If anyone judges you for this post, well I think that's just silly. We all do dumb stuff in college--most of dumber stuff than this. :) I mostly had to laugh picturing you in Hot Topic seeing those pants. I pictured a Napoleon Dynamite moment where he sees THE SUIT of his dreams on the mannequin. Classic.
p.s. the bottles are from ikea :)
Amen! May I be able to teach my daughters this connection...
1. dear friend, did someone say something judgemental about you posting clothing on your blog? if so, i'd like to say to that person, "HOW RUDE!" I love that you post beautiful clothes that inspire you. I've never seen it as a character flaw, but rather an online collage of beautiful things. Remember when we all use to cut pictures out of magazines and make posters out of it? Well, that's all that's going on here. If they have a problem with this they should go look at Pinterest. They'll probably die.
2. this is this exact reason why my mother always bought me granny underwear in high school. she said that sexy underwear makes you feel sexy and at 16 there was no reason why i should feel sexy! HAHAHAHA! she eventually relented and let me buy bikini cut, but i still think that's a funny story.
3. i totally agree with everything you and other said. the days that i get up and get showered first thing are always more productive than when i toss my hair in a bun and live in my pjs.
4. here's a funny quote on the clothes we wear...
"I think that when you get dressed in the morning, sometimes you're really making a decision about your behavior for the day. Like if you put on flip-flops you're saying, 'Hope I don't get chased today.'"--Demetri Martin
holy moly emily foley! you are hilarious! you are funny and you make a very valid point. back in the day when i worked in call centers and our dress mon - thur was "business casual" lots of times people would ask "why? we are just on the phone all day?" and well the answer is simple, your dress does take some affect on how you act. and we needed to be professional over the phone, so we had to dress professional. (fridays we were allowed to wear jeans.)
makes total sense!
I want to see those pictures!!!
you totally shoulda posted the picture, you look smokin in it. maybe i'll post it!
and i actually have to disagree a little. i notice when i dress up i do LESS around the house. it's totally uncomfortable to clean, do laundry, play on the floor with kids... in jeans. i'm a much better mom in sweats. and when i dress up i don't want to sit around the house i want to go out and therefore i spend money- so for me it's sweats all around.
oh and i'm dying at the quote lynette put- guess i hope i don't get chased well, ever
I agree that how we dress affects the way WE feel. When I get up and shower first thing, I feel better about my day and tend to be more productive.
But as for how others act, that is their responsibility. Just from a therapist's standpoint, I don't ever want to give anyone the impression that they are somehow at fault or responsible in any way for how someone else acts, because that's psychologically dangerous territory -- not that that is license to act selfishly or rudely, but ultimately our actions are ours and the actions of others are theirs. (Plus, it's a total cop-out to say that men can't be responsible for their actions or to hand them some excuse that lets them blame their lack of self control on how the opposite sex dresses).
As a mother of both a son and a daughter, I try to teach them BOTH respect and responsibility and that means owning their actions (not blaming it on others). We don't even use the phrase that someone "*made* us mad" -- even our reaction is a choice.
This is a hot button topic for me, because I see it come up a lot in conversations and in therapy sessions and way too many people use these approaches as cop outs ("it's their fault," "they made me do it," "she makes me mad," etc.) and don't even hear how little ownership they're taking in their OWN choices, actions, and reactions. Hope that makes sense.
Just some food for thought on that aspect of the argument . . .
Oh, and by the way, I love this line:
"i would never in my life get in a strange man's car (unless i was in france)" LOL!
Ellen, too embarrassing! And also, yes. If I'm really cleaning, I wear sweats. But to just pick up around the house I don't mind not wearing sweats.
Lynette, that quote made me laugh out loud! Too funny.
Stacy, while I agree with you philosophically, I don't feel like it's realistic. Boys didn't pay one ounce of attention at BYU. Ever. And the one night I dressed like a slut, they did. I don't think that's a coincidence. In that same vein, I find that when I'm nice to people, they're nice back. I've been cut off really badly at a particularly street near my house a million times. When I honk my horn, I get flipped off. When I slow down and wave, I get a smile and an apologetic wave back. While it may not be fair to say that my actions or dress code affect others, I know that they do because I've seen it happen.
Also, I've been trying to teach my kids that same kind of language (not YOU made me mad but I FEEL mad) and it is SO HARD to teach! They just don't get it.
So good to think about! Thank you SO MUCH for sharing!
totally remember that night! i have pictures of you and you did look hot! and i should be way more mortified than you--i dressed like the gypsie and wore the half shirt. so embarassing.
I think I remember that halloween! (: Awesome.
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